that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
