Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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