The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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