in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
