guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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