after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
