if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
