my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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