the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
