In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
