the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
