this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
