Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize