I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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