alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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