He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
