he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
