i permit you to call me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize