I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
