Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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