just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
