I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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