Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
