My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
