It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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