sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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