I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize