I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my poor anus
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
