i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
