Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
