I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
