if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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