I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
