C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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