Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
