I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
