Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
