I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
