weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
