she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
