Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You made out with two different species that night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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