i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
