shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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