why didn't you poke me back
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
