after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize