And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
