Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
