I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
