All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My vagina is officially offended.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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