All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize