i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
