My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
