Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
