i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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