This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
