upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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