Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
