I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
