Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
