Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
