bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
