I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
