i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
