wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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