That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
