I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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