You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize