Tell her she can't have a vagina
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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