I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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