3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
