I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
