I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
