are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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