You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
