The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
