I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
