Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
