He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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