so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she told me i tasted like america
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
