I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
