So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
