I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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