It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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