Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
