he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize