There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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