Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
