remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
