My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
