I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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