no, he came in my armpit
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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