i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
