And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
