My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
as a side note pls kill me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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