This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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