Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
