idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
