there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
