Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize