yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
