oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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