The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Your cock deserves a montage
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
