those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
