just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
