so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who died my cat blue again?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
